A Punjabi wedding is basically one big celebration that comes with days and days of ceremonies and rituals. There’s music blasting from every corner, relatives who dance like nobody’s watching, endless delicious food, colourful outfits and barely any sleep. And as the celebrations near the emotional vidai, everyone is tired and exhausted, especially the bride. But while the big fat wedding may be over, there is still one ritual left.
It’s called pag phera, and it’s one of the important post-wedding rituals followed in Punjabi culture. Taking place a few days after the wedding, it’s about the bride returning to her parents’ home for her first visit as a married woman.
A more quiet affair as compared to the grand wedding, pag phera, literally means ‘returning footsteps.’ Usually, this happens a day or two after the wedding. The bride’s brothers or cousins visit her new home and bring her back to the house she grew up in.
For a day or two, the bride gets to relax, spend time with her family, eat her favourite home-cooked meals and share stories about her first few days of married life. And then comes the time when the groom visits his in-laws’ home and takes his wife back with him, officially completing the ritual.
While getting married is exciting, it marks a changing moment in the lives of the couple as well as their families and this ritual takes the form of a little pause between the grandeur of the wedding celebrations and the beginning of a bride’s new married life with all new responsibilities. That’s where it comes in.
The ritual reminds the bride that even though she has started a new chapter, her relationship with her parents hasn’t changed. Their home is still her home. The ceremony is also a lovely way for both families to grow closer. When the groom visits his in-laws, he’s welcomed warmly, fed generously and treated like part of the family. It’s often one of the first chances for everyone to spend time together without the chaos of wedding schedules and ceremonies.
One of the nicest things about pag phera is how relaxed it feels compared to the wedding. The ritual usually begins with the bride’s brothers or cousins arriving at her marital home. They often bring sweets and small gifts for the groom’s family and then take their sister home for a short visit.
Many families welcome her with an aarti. Parents are excited to have their daughter back, even if it’s only for a couple of days. There are favourite meals, endless conversations, family time and plenty of questions about married life. A day or two later, when the groom heads to his in-laws’ home, everyone sits down for a big family meal. It’s less about rituals and more about spending quality time together before the couple leaves.
And when the time finally comes when the bride’s family has to bid goodbye to the bride and the groom before they officially begin their married life, her parents shower them with blessings and often gift them clothes, sweets or jewellery.
Unlike the emotional vidaai, this goodbye is usually much happier. The bride leaves knowing she can come back whenever she wants, making the transition into married life a little easier.
From a little pause before starting daughter-in-law duties to a reminder of being loved, this is a special ritual, indeed!