Can Your Relationship Work Even If Your Kundalis Don't Match?

As a tarot reader, medium, and spiritual coach, if I had a penny for every time a client asked me, ‘Our kundalis don’t match. Will it still work?’ The bags under my eyes would truly be Prada.

Today, however, I’m outsourcing the answer to the most pertinent question in every couple’s life to those who are most well-versed with the subject of Jyotish, or Vedic Astrology, an ancient Indian science that is said to be traced back over 5,000 years.

Decoding the Kundali

The kundali, or the birth chart, is the map of the sky at the precise moment you were born. It is the keeper of your karmic records and the sky at the precise moment you were born. In addition to revealing your Bhagya or fate, it gives you an insight into who you will marry, when “the one” will appear in your orbit, their characteristics and most importantly, what your together-forever will look like. Sounds too good to be true? You’ve probably heard the elders in your family or heard it in a movie, “Saare guna mil gaye! Shaadi pakki hai” as they hand out motichoor laddoos to the clan.

This is where the Kuta system comes in — or as Auroville-based Vedic life coach and astrologer with a PhD in the subject, Vikram Devatha calls it: ‘The Nakshatra Compatibility Table’.

“There are 12 factors that one needs to take into consideration such as Nadi, Rashi, Graha Maitra, and Yoni. The total number of points to be gained is 36. However, most astrologers will give you a go-ahead if you manage to obtain a score of 18,” he explains.

The flaw in the system according to him? It’s too mathematical in nature and does not take planetary positions into consideration. For Kolkata-based Karmic astrologer with an honorary Doctorate from the Ministry of External Affairs and the Education Council of the United Nations, Garima Agarwal, the placement of the moon is key.

She goes on to explain, “This luminary rules the mind in the Jyotish philosophy. I like to look at the distance between Partner A’s moon and Partner B’s moon. To give you an example of this, having a moon that’s 8 houses apart from your beloved can be a recipe for disaster. The 12th position too is problematic according to the texts. However, from a spiritual perspective, this can lead to immense growth.”

The Planetary Role

Needless to say, Mars and Venus are the main characters when it comes to this cosmic foreplay. “Venus is the dispositor of marriage in both a man’s and a woman’s chart — nothing can happen without its blessings,” adds Agarwal. As for nothing can happen without its blessings,” adds Agarwal and libido among other things. “When it’s in a compromising position, it’s called Mangal Dosha. We’ve all heard that too. But what really is it? Simply put, a Dosha is a placement that causes complexities in a person’s life. The partner with the stronger Mars tends to show up as the more dominating one, threatening the balance. There are many ways to offset this energy.

Fear not! All’s not lost just yet.

Those scenarios when you hear of people trying a thread around a tree, or doing several pujas ahead of a wedding, are all examples of how some Doshas can be reversed. The ancient texts offer a plethora of Upayas or remedies, both practical and esoteric, to appease the deities and to get them to bless a holy matrimony. But if marrying a tree before you marry “the one” is not your jam, what are your options? Agarwal says, “Balancing the elements in the chart is key".

Since Jupiter is ruled by the space element, I suggest listening to a religious podcast or philosophical text together in a meditative manner as this will enable you to open your mind and be more accommodating towards each other’s outlook. And when the kundalis show no sign of camaraderie whatsoever, I examine the Navamsha or D9 chart of both individuals, which is the soul of the chart and acts as a window to their innermost thoughts.”

Modern Marriages

As millennials and Gen Z tip-toe the fine line between tradition and tweaking the rules to live life on their terms, the kundali takes its turn. Mahima Sharma, a Delhi-based graphic designer in her 30s, who married the love of her life a few years ago, found solace in seeing the bigger picture of all the traditions she had to tackle to get married.

“Both of our mothers are religiously inclined and wanted to get our kundalis checked to eliminate potential trouble,” she says. “While my rational mind couldn’t fathom why I had to engage in certain pujas, I did so to keep the peace and I do not regret it.”

To remedy a certain Dosha during their courtship period, her partner’s family pundit recommended gifting Sharma a specific diamond. “All in all, it worked out in my favour!”

In this dance between appeasing the elders in our family, while also navigating our independence, it is natural to wonder that if our kundalis don’t match, can we still, make it work?

At such a time, it’s important to remember that the term “Jyotish” itself comes from the Sanskrit word “Jyoti,” meaning “light.” The essence of this ancient science is to illuminate the path ahead—to enable us to understand ourselves better and the potential challenges that are likely to arise in the realm of partnerships.

While some things are predestined, what we forget is that we have plenty of room to play, to negotiate and to enter into a sacred contract with both our hearts and our eyes wide open. “The psyche of the astrologer plays an important role in interpreting charts,” elaborates Devatha. “Instead of inducing fear, the information must be shared responsibly,” he says. Besides, it’s not about the journey or the destination. It’s about who you are dancing the dance of life with that matters. Isn’t it?