Why I Chose to Pay for My Own Wedding (And How You Can Do It Too)

Growing up, I thought weddings were about love, celebration, and making a lifelong commitment. But when I started planning mine back in 2022, I realised they’re about power dynamics, family expectations, and ensuring the groom’s side feels adequately worshipped. Somewhere in all this, love and celebration barely get a seat at the mandap.

When I was very young, I saw how weddings worked (within my culture at least)— the bride’s family pays for everything while the groom’s side just adds to the list of demands. So I decided at a very young age that the best way to break this cycle was to take matters into my own hands and handle the wedding myself.

And later in life, I was also lucky enough to meet a partner who felt the same way. He came from a culture where it’s common for families to stretch their finances to the limit to host extravagant weddings, and for him, paying for his wedding was a way to be intentional about how much money gets spent.

At 24, after six months of dating (shoutout to Hinge), we told our parents two things: we were getting married, and we were paying for it ourselves. And just like that, we set out to fund our inter-caste, inter-state wedding—me handling everything in Bangalore, and my software engineer partner covering Hyderabad’s expenses with the bonuses he’d earned after switching to a FAANG company.

I had always said I’d pay for my wedding, but I was wildly unprepared for what that actually meant. Does any 24-year-old truly know how much weddings cost? I doubt it.

Luckily, I had always been careful with money. Even while earning just INR 35K/month for most of my four-year career in ed-tech startups, I managed to save a few lakhs. But the real game-changer was that I had recently quit my job to freelance. My income hadn’t skyrocketed yet, but I knew one thing: when you make money on your own, there’s no ceiling to what you can earn. And you know what they say—there are no great people in this world, only great challenges that ordinary people rise to meet.

So, between August 2022, when we decided to get married, and February 2023, when we tied the knot, I did exactly that. I earned 15 lakhs—and I paid for my wedding.

Guide To Self-Funding Your Wedding (From Someone Who Did It Herself)

Was it easy? No, it was one of the most challenging things I have ever done

Being a girl, I knew my wedding was something my parents had planned for since I was born. They took a lot of pride in being able to do it themselves. This was confirmed on the day of the wedding when I saw people congratulating my dad for being "done with the huge responsibility of getting his daughter married." So, going against this age-old institution wasn’t easy. It involved a lot of fights, a lot of tears, and finally the eventual compromise: I could pay for the wedding if I wanted to—but only if no one else knew about it.

Did everything happen the way we wanted it to? Absolutely not. It’s India, after all

Our initial bubble of "if we’re paying for it, everyone has to listen to us" instantly popped. Our small, intimate wedding with a budget of INR 10 lakhs was laughed out the window. The guest list of 20 people immediately extended to 500, because if we invite A, B, and C, we have to invite D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L… 

Did we spend EXACTLY how much we set out to? No, we probably had to 4x our initial budget

Weddings are expensive. Things are always going to cost more than you think they’re going to cost. And especially if it’s an inter-state wedding. Double everything. Our initial budget for the wedding was INR 10 lakhs. We spent INR 1.3 lakhs just flying out a few members of my family from Bangalore to Hyderabad to meet and decide on a wedding date. So you can imagine how naive this budget was.

Do I regret it? Never.

Even after checking off so many things on our bucket list such as buying our dream home, travelling the world, raising pets, and working our dream jobs—this is still our biggest accomplishment.

So why did I decide to do this?

Our self-funding journey wasn’t perfect, but it was worth it. It’s been worth it to watch my parents enjoy their retirement years with all the money they had previously saved up for my wedding.

It’s been worth it to think back to my wedding and feel good knowing that no dowry in the form of gold or gifts was ever paid—because every purchase and decision had to go through me, and obviously, I was not going to pay my own dowry.

It’s been worth it to know that I got married in the type of venue I dreamed of, serving the food I liked, and wearing clothes I felt good in—irrespective of all the people who disagreed with those choices. Because as long as I could pay for it myself, the only person’s opinion that mattered was my own.

As a girl, I can’t think of a more empowering feeling than to be able to pay for your own wedding at a time when parents still pay another family to marry their daughter.

And the best part is, I’m not the only girl who thinks this way. According to a survey conducted in 2023 among millennials by IndiaLends, 60% of all surveyed women stated they would self-fund their weddings.

My top 3 pieces of advice for self-funding your wedding

If you’re thinking about paying for your own wedding, here’s what I wish I knew before I did it:

You don’t need all the money upfront, but you need to plan ahead

Most wedding expenses don’t hit all at once—they’re spread across months. Typically:

This means your ability to fund your wedding isn’t just about your savings—it’s also about your projected income. Plan for what you’ll earn in the coming months, and save more than you think you’ll need because unexpected expenses will show up.

Brace yourself for mixed reactions (and a few guilt trips)

Funding your wedding is an accomplishment, but don’t expect everyone to acknowledge it that way. In India, weddings are something parents take pride in organising and paying for. By taking this responsibility yourself, you may unknowingly take that away from them. Some family members might see it as unnecessary or even disrespectful. Be mentally prepared for mixed reactions, and know that their feelings about it don’t have to change your decision.

Yes, it’s a lot of money—but you’ll bounce back faster than you expect

Yes, weddings are expensive, and yes, it will feel like all your money is disappearing. But here’s the perspective that helped me:

You have time to rebuild. Parents funding weddings often see it as their life’s worth of savings being spent at once. But you’re younger, and you have years of earning potential ahead.

The wedding might actually push you to earn more. I took on new projects and opportunities simply because I needed the money, and looking back, I might not have stretched myself that way otherwise.

Even if you don’t fund 100% yourself, it’s still a win. Maybe you save 60%, or maybe you cover just the big-ticket items—either way, taking control of your wedding finances is an empowering step.

Looking back, every challenge, every unexpected expense, and every difficult conversation was worth it. Because at the end of the day, I walked into a wedding that felt like mine—not something planned for me, but something I built. And really, if you’re building a life on your terms, why not start with your wedding?