Does The Order In Which You Were Born Affect Your Love Life?

If you thought the stars’ placements in yourzodiac sign were enough to dictate social and relationship dynamics, then you’d have another think coming. The Internet is here to tell, nay remind, you that more things in life can impact the way you live and love than just the positioning of the planets and other celestial bodies. Have you heard of the Birth Order Dating Theory yet?

What is the Birth Order Dating Theory?

Gen Z online content creators have discovered a theory by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, from the 1900s, and have brought it back to share with their fellow Internet users in the 2020s. The theory in question states that children may have certain traits depending on where they fit into the family based on their birth order. He went on to imply that it could have an impact on everything, from your personality to your career to even your relationships.

The Birth Order Dating Theory states that the order you were born impacts your compatibility with people and the chances of your relationship working out. With videos raking in millions of views, content creators from around the world have shared how the theory applies perfectly to them and their partners. Here’s what Adler’s theory states about how different birth orders behave in relationships…

Eldest child

According to the Austrian psychologist, eldest children receive a lot of attention from their parents, but this changes when younger siblings arrive. As a result of these shifting dynamics, firstborns tend to be ambitious, disciplined and good leaders. They also display qualities like leadership, responsibility and perfectionism. In relationships, they are used to being in control and taking care of their partners.

Middle child

Being a middle child is everything that the name implies. You’re constantly stuck being a buffer between the siblings and the parents and have to act as a peacekeeper more often than not. This enhances their sense of diplomacy, empathy and desire for fairness. In relationships, middle children are people pleasers and value quality time and attention from their partners. Their balancing act could be problematic as it makes them ignore their own needs and emotions in favour of putting their partner’s needs first.

Youngest child

This shouldn’t come as a surprise but the youngest of the siblings tend to be the wild ones. According to Adler, the lastborns have a penchant for rebellion and adventure. They are used to being taken care of and easily give up control. In relationships, they are more effusive and affectionate. But this doesn’t mean that they deal well with emotional intimacy and commitment.

Only child

Only children and firstborns are cut from the same cloth. They shoulder the weight of expectations and are used to being in charge. Since they don’t have siblings, they tend to be less competitive but more independent. In relationships, only children tend to behave like how firstborns do. However, they tend to be a little less flexible in accepting flaws in others and are not used to circumstances conforming to their needs.

What Is The Most Compatible Pairing According To The Theory?

The theory claims that firstborns and lastborns are a good match, thanks to their opposite characteristics. The partners of differing birthing orders fulfil what the other needs, for instance, an elder child’s need to be in charge pairs well with the youngest child’s need to be taken care of. For this reason, only children and the youngest of the lot work well together too.

Middle children get along with both first and lastborns as they are flexible and easygoing. The theory, however, states that two people in the same birth order cannot be compatible with each other as there would be constant friction, thanks to their identical personality traits.

Is The Birth Order Dating Theory Real?

Just like how Adler’s 20th-century hypothesis has been regarded with scepticism in the community, this new dating theory might also not be as cut and dried as it seems. While, yes, birth orders do tend to give a vague idea about personality traits, like how astrology does, it misses out on key variables like gender, economic status, and other cultural factors. It can help you understand yourself a little better but it cannot be an answer or explanation to why a relationship can or cannot work out.

Relationship coach Vidya Dakshinamoorthy agrees with the theory’s classification of different birth orders' traits and how these could manifest into emotional needs in relationships. “In the cases of middle children, when they start dating, they could subconsciously be seeking the kind of love and attention which they thought they didn't get while growing up,” she says. However, she cautions against basing your life decisions on the theory. “It’s very difficult to generalise the dynamics,” she says, “I have seen a lot of younger siblings being more responsible towards the family and how they choose their partner.”

Ultimately, it all comes down to two individuals. As long as they are willing to communicate and compromise, their birth order should not have any implications on their relationship.