Here's How You Can Ward Off Cold Feet Before Your Wedding

While weddings can be all about extravagant festivities and breathtaking couture, we often tend to forget that it’s just a prelude to a lifetime commitment. Marriage can be a life-changing milestone and getting plagued by anxiety about what comes after the fun-filled party is only normal.

Soon-to-be-wed people can lose sleep over this and experience a number of physical and mental changes that would lead them to question their decision to get married. The good thing is that getting anxious or ‘cold feet’ before your wedding is surprisingly common and surmountable.

So if you want to get ahead of the problem and keep your feet (metaphorically) toasty warm before you say “I do!”, here’s everything you need to know…

What does ‘cold feet’ mean?

Cold feet can be defined as a heightened sense of anxiousness that involves thoughts around life after the marital union, which includes challenges posing the couple’s way like coordination with family members, managing finances, sexual compatibility and long-term planning. Delhi-based psychologist and relationship counsellor Dr Deepali Batra cautions, “If cold feet is not addressed, it can impact normal bodily functions, cause digestion and breathing issues, and hamper sleep and affect the overall functioning of the mind and the body”.

What is the difference between cold feet and pre-wedding jitters?

Dr Deepali Batra says, "Pre-wedding jitters include a conflux of emotions like butterflies in the stomach, anger and sadness. Cold feet refers to an elevated feeling of anxiety, accompanied by bodily changes like sweating, accelerated heartbeat and dizziness".

What are some ways to ward off cold feet before the wedding?

The bride and bridegroom remain the central point of wedding festivities, and the ghost of anxiety shouldn’t eclipse the happiness and vibrance of the wedding festivities and overshadow the joyousness and bliss of their marital union. Hence, we spoke to experts to understand how to handle cold feet before the marriage ceremony.

If you are getting hitched soon or know a friend about to tie the knot, here are a few things to know…

Acceptance is key

Dr Meenakshi Atawnia, psychologist and wellness counsellor at the Cognitive Factor, advises, “ Accepting anxiety rather than just trying to avoid it can deteriorate things. One has to understand that it is impossible to completely avoid the same even if you know your partner well, as you might not have shared a living space with them and their families. Marriage comes with challenges, such as daily habits, financial responsibilities, household chores, relocation, family dynamics etc. Acknowledge the existence of anxiety rather than brooding over the same, as this is a baby step in addressing the bodily reactions that follow.”

Resolve the unresolved

Irrespective of whether you have known your partner for years or are having an arranged marriage. It is important to talk it out before you start a life together. Dr Deepali Batra says, “One needs to have a clear mind before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone. The slightest trace of doubt can manifest itself in ugly ways and ruin your relationship later. Our mind is like a canvas. When there is already a lot written on it, we can't write or paint anything further. Hence, one has to clear the canvas of their mind before they start painting together”.

Don’t blame anyone

The elevated feeling of anxiety can send a person into a state of panic and make them impulsive, causing them to react negatively. Dr Deepali Batra counsels, “The heightened sense of uncertainty about the life ahead can cause people to react negatively. One may blame their partners, parents and near and dear ones for their present state. Hence, it is important for the person about to be married to understand that nobody, or no particular person, is influencing these thoughts or the bodily changes that follow. It is only a normal conflux of thoughts that every individual has before they seek long-term commitment.”

Clear your mind

It is obvious to feel anxious and have a little bit of doubt before making any major life-changing decision. Dr Urmika Sahai, mental health professional and relationship counsellor, at Unbottle with us, Delhi, says, “People who have had friends or relatives with troubled marriages were more prone to anxiety right before their rituals. Here, it is important to tell ourselves that, like people, experiences also tend to vary. Hence, one should avoid thinking about the worst-case scenario and understand that you are bound to face trials as a couple and, as an individual, and we all have to take it with a pinch of salt.”

Be mindful of the changes in your body

The conflux of thoughts within one’s mind right before the wedding rituals is bound to manifest in bodily changes like dizziness, shivering and sweating. Psychologist and Couples Therapist Dr Shivani Misri Sadhoo says, “A body scan is a simple way to relax your body before your nuptials. Practising mindfulness before the pheras or rituals could help centre the mind and alleviate anxiety. One good technique is deep breathing: inhale slowly through the nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale through the mouth. This significantly calms your nervous system.

Lean on your support system

When it comes to feeling anxious before taking such a big step in your life, one should not hesitate to reach out to people whom they trust and open up about their thoughts and feelings. Dr Meenakshi Atawnia advises, “Don’t shy away from reaching out to your family, friends and even your psychotherapist. Here, it is also important for the people around to understand that they need to offer the to-be-weds a non-judgemental space to allow them to open up freely. Allow them to open up, be a good listener, give them something to eat or drink, or take them for a short walk so that they can feel relaxed and relieved.”