How To Uninvite Someone From Your Wedding

Curating a wedding guest list can be quite a task, especially if you’re planning a wedding in India. Aside from the many (and there are just so many) relatives of relatives to consider, there are also many who consider themselves invited without any inclination from your side. Now this could be a problem for a number of things, and not just the practical aspects like the menu and seating considerations. It's the era of close and intimate weddings and if you and your partner want a micro celebration, then the guest list would have to be culled carefully. What can one say to convey something as difficult as this with as much grace as possible? Here’s a quick guide…

Guide To Uninviting Wedding Guests Politely

If we take a quick look at the past, from the1400s to the 1900s, the concept of wedding invitations underwent a metamorphosis of a sort. From being announced by the town crier, to being delivered by the postal service, that was a time period where wedding invitations became what we know them as today! Presently, an RSVP is sent before the invitation to the wedding. RSVP comes from the French term ‘Répondez vite s’il vous plaît’ (please reply at once) and in the current scenario, it is sent so that guests can confirm their presence before the event. Which of course makes the process much more organised and efficient. But how would you handle a situation if you had to uninvite someone you don’t want at your wedding?

The act of uninviting someone from your wedding is awkward and uncomfortable. So, how do we go about conveying something so sensitive? There are a few scenarios to consider and how you can respond if you’re dealing with something similar…

If your venue has a guest limit

If you have a guest limit or have changed seating or venue-related plans, the best bet is to be considerate and respectful. “Tough as it may be, be honest about why you're uninviting someone and be kind and respectful when you communicate your decision. You could say that due to unavoidable circumstances you’ve had to change your original wedding plans and have to limit the guest list to a smaller number,” says Rukshana Eisa, Grooming & Etiquette Expert.

If it’s a close and intimate ‘friends only’ ceremony

If you’ve decided to keep the wedding an intimate affair and would rather a few, close individuals are the only ones who attend then a similar rule applies. Stay respectful, stay kind while articulating yourself. Make sure you apologise sincerely and communicate how the plans have changed and you’ve decided to keep the wedding small. Try not to exaggerate the reason, so as not to make things more awkward than they have to be.

If you’ve not spoken for a while

Unfortunately, there is no easy or truly smooth way to convey this, but the simpler and kinder you keep it the better. And honestly, if you’re no longer close to a person, it may be wise to consider inviting them, because that might just turn into an opportunity for you to rebuild the connection. But if you insist on uninviting them, then it would be wise to shoot a text and let them know that you’re getting married but are for unavoidable reasons keeping the celebration small and looking to keep the guest list tight. Once again, apologise sincerely for not being able to invite them. But keep the message crisp and kind.

If you simply had a realisation about your equation with them

It is possible to fall out with people in the midst of planning one’s wedding. In such a scenario, it’s important to be clear, concise and considerate of the other person’s feelings. Express deep regrets for not being able to fit them into your guest list, and apologise for the change of plans. In this scenario, it would be wise to speak to the person directly, rather than texting or emailing them (as mentioned in the above scenario). So make the time to meet up or call the said person, offer to buy them a coffee, or get them a small gift before you dive into the difficult conversation. If you happen to only be able to call them, send them a message asking if you can call them first, and then apologise and convey your message with precision.

If your partner/loved one has a problem with the guest

Another difficult scenario would be to uninvite someone because both you and your partner have decided not to include the said person in your plans. If your equation with the said person is honest and clear, you can be authentic and discuss a particular scenario that led you and your partner to make the hard choice. And of course, once again, apologise for having to do so. If you’re not on good terms, it’s best to keep the message formal and direct it towards a more practical or logical reason, such as seating or venue-related issues. “Acknowledge the difficult situation, so articulate just how uncomfortable or difficult the conversation is (or is about to be). It shows that you understand the impact of your request. Then provide a clear but brief and crisp reason, be sincere and avoid giving out unnecessary details that may complicate the conversation. Then, of course, you must apologise sincerely, and express your regrets for making the decision. Acknowledge the inconvenience, or disappointment you may have caused the person or people you’ve uninvited,” says Seema Puri, an Etiquette coach & Corporate Trainer based in Delhi.

Of course, it’s simply impossible to avoid collateral damage altogether, as Rukshana tells us, “But no matter how diplomatically you try to uninvite someone, there will most likely be some fallout.” So, be prepared to accept that if you do uninvite someone from your wedding, the friendship may be at risk of getting strained and even deteriorating, but if you’re sure of your decision, the least you can do is be respectful, kind and considerate. And according to Seema Puri, it’s best not to invite the concerned person to a smaller event or meet up after the wedding.