Couples, These Are The Things To Agree Upon Before Moving In Together

So you’ve decided to move in with your partner. Congratulations on taking the big step! Whether it’s the next step in your long-term relationship or you’re going to be moving in with your fiancé post-wedding, the thought of building your dream home with your boo is obviously exciting. However, the reality might be far from the cheerful montages of shopping for your new home that romantic movies and TV shows have promised us.

It’s not all about fun shopping trips for furniture and deciding on paint colours. It means negotiations about everything from utility bills to the temperature of the AC, division of duties, and many more potentially awkward chats that you wouldn’t have thought were required. Before you spiral and rethink your decision to take the plunge and move in with them, take a look at our quick guide to navigate through this time…

Everything You Need To Talk About Before Moving In With Your Partner

Here are a few checkboxes that you need to tick off before moving in with bae…

Bills, bills, bills!

Whether you’re a couple who has a dual income source or only one partner is earning, it’s vital to have conversations about finances before taking this step. Both partners, ideally, should be aware of each other’s financial details like credit scores, EMIs, debts, budgets and investments to facilitate easy financial planning.

“I meet so many people who are reluctant to chat about money with their partners," says Radhika Mohta, relationship coach and matchmaker, “They tell me ‘Oh, what’s the point of talking about this right now, we can talk about it later. Having a chat about money doesn’t make you a gold-digger or a money-minded person! If both of you have made your own money in life, then you surely need to have this conversation!”

“Although it is very difficult to devise a plan and adhere to it strictly while moving in with your partner, it is extremely important to have some clarity of thought,” says finance coach Uttara Ramakrishnan, “An easy way to some kind of clarity about the monthly expenditure is to understand the income stream of both the partners, as that helps makes the financial planning process a breeze, secondly, couples should identify common expenses like petcare and utilities as this simple exercise helps in devising a plan without giving in much thought.”

Who is doing the dishes? Who is doing the laundry?

Just the way a single team player cannot lead the team to a victory, one single partner being overburdened with responsibilities can't make a house, a home. Couples should discuss the division of responsibilities amongst each other with mutual consent to prevent resentment, recurring conflicts, and burnout

“It fosters a sense of teamwork and mutual respect that's crucial for creating a harmonious living space,” says relationship therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo, “Addressing responsibility division beforehand helps prevent burnout and also keeps the emotional intimacy alive between both the people.”

What’s your go-to AC setting? Do you sleep with the night light on?

Having an idea about your bae’s lifestyle choices and patterns can help both of you prepare mentally and emotionally as to what to expect after you move in with each other.

“When two people decide to move in together, they need to be clear that they are moving into the other person’s world which comprises of their habits,”, says relationship coach Chetna Chakaravarthy, “Being cognizant about your partner's lifestyle patterns and choices, maintains transparency between two people and instils a sense of trust which is necessary for every relationship to grow.”

Get your ducks in a row

Many might consider it bad luck, or morbid even, to discuss the eventuality that the relationship doesn’t work out in the long run, but it’s a conversation that should be on the table. Especially if you’re making a big financial commitment, like taking out a loan for the space or moving to a new city or country.

“While nobody would want to imagine the thought of separating from your partner while he or she is moving in with them, discussing the worst case scenario beforehand helps understand each other's perspective on relationship and life better,” says, Chetna Chakravarthy, “Having an idea about the worst case scenario also helps prepare mentally for setbacks, unwind from the relationship to take a break when needed and devise strategies to work it out if at all there is a tiny ray of hope.”

Where do you see yourself in five years? No, seriously!

Just the way having a to-do list helps navigate through a regular day at work with ease, having an idea about the long-term plans can help devise expectations accordingly.

“Whether you want to test living with each other before tying the knot, or want to have a family post marriage or just wish to continue living together, having an idea about the long-term plans can help make way for better decision making that isaninterest of the relationship and both the people,” says relationship coach Chetna Chakravarthy, “Moreover, it can also reduce the load of the relationship as both the partners do not place any burden on each other.”

Important Things To Remember After You’ve Moved In With Your Partner

Even if you’ve checked all the aforementioned conversation topics before moving in with your partner, there’s a good chance you might be met with challenges that you couldn’t have foreseen. Don’t worry, follow our lead and things will (hopefully) be smoother for you and your boo…

Be open to embracing change

Here’s the hard truth: Relationships need adjustments. For both the people to learn and grow together there is a lot of unlearning that needs to be done before.

“The initial stage of moving in with your partner is always an experimenting and testing period,” says relationship coach, Chetna, “This would require efforts from both the partners to eventually realise what works in favour for both of them, thus both the partners should be ok to let go off their old traits, shed old habits and form new ones to be able to grow in a relationship.”

Make way for ‘Me-time’

Two people in a relationship are like two pillars. They should support the same edifice but at the same time,there should be ample space between both of them. So, even if you are head over heels in love with your partner, make sure to make way for me to let your personality thrive and flourish.

“Prioritising ‘me time’ bolsters the relationship by promoting independence and emotional well-being”, says, Shivani, “Having personal space and scheduling a regular alone time for hobbies, relaxation, or self-care that both partners enjoy fosters mutual respect in the minds of both the partners.”

Communication is key

Whether it’s via texts, voice notes, sticky notes on the fridge or a straight-faced ‘we need to talk’ from any one of the partners, communication between two people helps maintain transparency and understand each other's expectations and makes it easier to work on the relationship.

“Communication in a relationship not only helps understand each other well but also helps in setting boundaries that are needed for both the partners in a relationship to develop their personalities,” says Shivani, “Without clear communication, one partner might feel overwhelmed or underappreciated, which could eventually strain the relationship. It’s ok to disengage at times to take a break from the relationship, but first, everyone should consider talking it out when we need it the most.”

Set aside some money for a rainy day

Managing finances is a skill that takes years to master, when you are a couple moving in together, you are bound to have surmountable expenses in the initial few months, irrespective of all expenses, EMIs and subscriptions keeping a chunk of your finances aside helps significantly in the hour of need.

Finance coach Uttara Ramakrishnan suggests investing in individual health insurance whether you are married or just living together, ‘Though health insurances cover expenses of spouses, having individual health insurance reduces the burden of financial stress on your partner's shoulders in case of medical emergencies. Also, one should keep aside at least 6 months of each other’s combined income in a capital-safe place that is absolutely liquid, like a joint bank account and some debt mutual funds, because the risk of loss and dilution is less. Though the returns are less, the goal is not profit but to keep financial reserves handy.”

The key to remember is to step into this new chapter of your life with an open heart and clear eyes. There are bound to be hiccups in your journey, but if you and your partner are on the same page, there’s nothing you can’t overcome together!