How Long Is Too Long? Decoding The ‘Ideal’ Engagement Length

Being engaged is an exciting time. Aside from the fact that you’re about to get married to the person you love and spend forever with them, there’s the thrill of planning your dream wedding. But is there an ideal length of time between the engagement and the wedding?

Like most things weddings and relationships, it depends on a number of factors. Some couples race to the altar, while others like to take their sweet time in planning and prepping for one of the most special days in their lives. For instance, the period of engagement between sports icon Mahendra Singh Dhoni and his wife Sakshi Dhoni was exactly one day! Meanwhile, English actor Toby Jones and his wife Karen Jones were engaged for 25 years before tying the knot.

Is There A ‘Normal’ Length Of An Engagement?

According to The Knot Worldwide 2024 Global Wedding Report, the average engagement length for couples in India is usually between 5-6 months. This number can vary, depending on the couple’s preference and how much planning is needed. The report also claimed that almost 40% of Indian weddings in 2024 were between arranged matches. For many people who are getting married to someone they haven’t dated for long, an engagement period that’s between 6-12 months can make sense.

There’s also the fact that many Indians look towards astrology to fix an auspicious wedding date. This could mean that your birth chart or the stars could dictate the length of your engagement.

Advantages Of A Long Engagement

While many people prefer to get married shortly after getting engaged, a longer period between the engagement and the wedding can have its own advantages. In a post on r/weddingplanning, on Reddit, user Judge_Juedy shared that she was planning a three-year gap between her engagement and the wedding. She reasoned that both she and her fiancé had demanding jobs that left little free time for planning the wedding. Many fellow Redditers resonated with her reasoning, adding that factors like long-distance relationships can also result in a lengthier engagement period.

Relationship coach Vidya Dakshinamoorthy agrees and reasons that a longer engagement is ideal for couples to get to know each other on a better level, especially now that you’re getting to know each other with the intent of spending forever together.

“When the surety of commitment comes in (with the engagement), people tend to start revealing a more original version of themselves,” she says, “You can really understand the kind of baggage the other person is coming with and their thoughts about issues like money, family dynamics and other things that can help you build a stronger foundation.” She cites her personal experience of getting married for the first time within three months of the engagement. “There was just enough time to focus on the wedding preparations which left me with no time to notice the red flags in the relationship.” When Vidya got married for the second time, she and her fiancé made sure to spend enough time together before committing to marriage. “For a year and a half, we did a lot of counselling together to know what we were getting into. It helped a lot since it allowed us to make a very conscious decision.”

Another upside to a longer engagement period is that you can plan the wedding of your dreams on your own terms. A response to the aforementioned Reddit post claimed that she was able to get the first pick of vendors at a decent price since she was booking so far in advance. 

After getting engaged in August 2023, London-based entrepreneur Samara Madhwani waited till May of next year to get married. “Since we had a more intimate wedding that required less planning, we were able to truly enjoy our engagement period without it being solely about wedding prep. My husband put so much thought and effort into making the engagement special, so we really got to bask in that time and create meaningful memories,” she said, adding, “I’d definitely recommend embracing the engagement period as a unique chapter—it’s such a beautiful transition into being married, and it’s nice to take the time to enjoy and get used to that.”

The sentiment was echoed by Bengaluru-based anesthesiologist Ayesha Rahman, who was in a serious relationship with her partner since 2019 but had to delay their impending nuptials thanks to the global pandemic. “It was a long-distance engagement for us. He was in Mumbai and I was in Bijapur, Karnataka, doing my MD and COVID made it hard for us to meet very often. We finally got married in 2022,” she said, “The engagement period felt long because we were in love and couldn't wait to be married. The only reason we weren't married was because of COVID. But the long engagement ultimately turned out to be exactly what they needed as it allowed her to finish her MD before she got married, just as she wanted, and let them get to know each other better as a couple too. 

Advantages Of A Short Engagement

While these couples vouch for waiting for a bit after the engagement, there are many who believe the engagement period shouldn’t extend beyond 4-6 months. A brief engagement might work for you if you do not want to be plagued with decision fatigue amidst the wedding planning or want to speed up the time so you can get to the big life decision-making part sooner. So does the popular Hindi saying ‘chat mangni, pat byah’ (quick engagement, swift wedding) hold any merit after all?

A shorter engagement period is good enough to help you not lose sight of the wedding or lose momentum in the wedding planning process. "The ideal length of the engagement period may differ for everyone but I have found six months to be the sweet spot for planning the wedding of your dreams without allowing the minutiae to eclipse the main reason for the union," says Bengaluru-based writer and creative consultant Hasina Jeelani, "After getting engaged in August 2022, we tied the knot in December 2022 in a mid-sized wedding that included all our loved ones while retaining an air of intimacy to the events. Any longer and the myopic focus on the flower arrangements and bridal favours would have likely kept us from being excited about the new life that we were starting together!"

 As a response to the Reddit post mentioned above, user Toastwitch succinctly summarised the advantages of a short engagement by writing, “You have too much time to nitpick at details. You may start second-guessing the decisions you made at the beginning of the process.”

So while there are advantages and disadvantages to both, it’s ultimately up to you and your partner to determine what will work best for you. But whether you wait three months to tie the knot or 12, don’t forget to enjoy the beautiful period of engagement bliss with your boo!