Plot Twist: Men Might Just Be the Real Hopeless Romantics

Growing up with the classic romantic comedies, we have been led to believe that women are the ones swooning over fairytale weddings, candlelight dinners and all things romantic, but what if I were to tell you that it is not true? Science has now started to flip the script and burst the bubble that women crave romantic gestures and are more invested in all things romantic. According to a growing body of research, men might be the ones who value and crave romance more deeply and may even lean on it harder.

Researchers have identified key behavioural factors that could explain this theory. An in-depth review of over 50 studies of mixed-gender relationships by researchers at Humboldt University of Berlin, the University of Minnesota, and Vrije University Amsterdam, revealed that men often expect to gain more from being in a romantic relationship as compared to women. According to the review, they reflect a higher tendency to enjoy health and happiness when they are in a relationship and are less likely to break it off with their partner. What is surprising is that while we always anticipate that it is the women who are left devastated after breakups, when in fact it is the men who tend to take it much harder.  

According to multiple surveys and researchers' accounts in Behavioural and Brain Sciences, men tend to experience greater mental and physical benefits from a romantic relationship, and now, when you think about it, it does make sense.

Elaine Hoan, a social psychologist at the University of Toronto, puts it simply, stating that these observations have a direct correlation with the results of her research. “Single men are typically less happy with their singlehood than single women, even across different Western and Eastern cultural contexts,” she notes.

Why Does It Happen?

But what is the reason for this? Several researchers and authors suggest that men’s greater reliance on romantic relationships can be traced back to how they were raised in their childhood. “From an early age, boys are discouraged from expressing vulnerability,” Humboldt University social and developmental psychologist Iris Wahring explained, co-lead author of the new paper. And the social norm “continues into adulthood,” she explained.

Studies show that the differences in emotional expression at a young age tend to have an impact on their reliability on their partners in their adult life. We are no strangers to the fact that from a young age, girls are encouraged to talk about how they feel and express themselves, but boys are told to be tough and discouraged from showing vulnerability. As a society, we tend to judge sensitive boys more harshly than girls who have the same traits and this, research reveals, plays a role in their adult relationships. While women usually build a wide circle of people who support them, men often save their softer side for their romantic partner and tend to rely heavily on that one relationship for emotional fulfilment. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it presses on how differently the concept of love is perceived by both genders.

Mariko Visserman, a psychologist at the University of Sussex in England, highlighted that the review “does a wonderful job in explaining how gendered norms and experiences early in life can set the stage for the differences between men's and women’s relationship benefits and vulnerabilities later on.”

The ultimate takeaway from this study is that love is an important element in our lives and “that we all need to feel embedded in a supportive network of relationships,” as Visserman says, but it is also important to build a strong support system outside of a romantic relationship. The central idea behind these findings is to press on the need to foster a culture where men are encouraged to build strong relationships with their friends and family, too, to create an emotionally supportive environment. Hoan concludes, “This means challenging traditional gender norms that stigmatise male vulnerability and promoting the value of more meaningful friendships for men.”