Fun Wedding Traditions That Highlight Themes Of Sex, Power, And Gender

The summer of 1982 gave me a glimpse into a conversation that had always been out of bounds. At a family wedding, as relatives smeared Haldi on the bride, my middle-aged aunt broke into song—one where she alluded to the wedding night, taunted the groom’s side for their frugality, and made not-so-subtle digs at men’s poor “performance”.

That morning, social taboos weren’t hidden. Instead, they revelled in by the women in the family, as they danced until the grand finale song: “Be grateful that our daughter said yes, else your son would have remained a bachelor.” The wedding tradition of Banni Banna songs has empowered women to say what often remains unsaid, without consequence.

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On this occasion, provocation is expected, celebrated even, and the women rise to it. Their geets, performed with vigour and laced with sexual undertones, mark wedding celebrations in Uttar Pradesh, Uttarakhand, Haryana, and parts of Rajasthan. “Geets, which are conventional folk songs, have been a vital part of wedding celebrations for centuries,” says Nikitaa Gupta, founder of The Culture Gully, a digital arts and culture platform. Across the Indian landscape, each region has specific songs that speak to local customs.

“For instance, Punjabi weddings use lively and cheerful ‘boliyan’ and ‘tappe’, which consist of good-humoured joking between the groom’s and bride’s families. Rajasthani weddings feature ‘peepli’ songs, telling stories of wedding rituals and the bride’s walk to her new home. ‘Sohar’ songs in Bihari and Bhojpuri weddings express the sacredness of marriage, while Bengali weddings include “ululation” and folk songs that seek divine blessings,” adds Gupta. In the recently released series Dupahiya, set in the fictitious North Indian town of Dhadakpur, a marriage sequence wonderfully depicts the wicked humour of Indian weddings.

In one scene, a bike gifted to the groom becomes the subject of a raunchy song, as a coy neighbour teases the bride, boldly announcing: “Ek baar damaad ji jo chade utar ne ka naam hi nahin lenge.” (Once our son-in-law mounts it, he will refuse to come down.) Over raucous laughter, a friend chimes in: “Dupahiya pe se ya dulhaniya pe se.” (From the bike or the bride?).

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The innuendo is hardly subtle. “I’m from a Jain/Rajput family and later married in Maharashtra. Our weddings were always boisterous though intimate affairs, and these songs were an integral part of them,” says designer Shruti Sancheti. “There would be a constant battle of supremacy from both sides. A bit of body shaming, taunts, and a lot of suggestive lyrics about the new couple’s marital bed. However, since these were a part of the wedding fun, no one took offence.”

Earlier, when sex was still spoken about in hushed tones—a reality for many families till today—nuptial ceremonies liberated women under the guise of celebration. “In more conservative times, women had fewer opportunities to express themselves, especially on topics considered ‘off-limits’. Weddings provided a unique space where certain boundaries were momentarily relaxed, and humour allowed them to voice thoughts that were otherwise left unspoken,” says Dr. Prerna Kohli, clinical psychologist and founder of MindTribe, a mental healthcare organisation. Bollywood films, too, played a vital role, teasing their audiences with raunchy songs in wedding sequences.

The song 'Saat Sahelian Khadi Khadi' from the blockbuster hit Vidhaata had erotic undertones, implying the sexual prowess of men in various professions. It became an anthem at weddings with innumerable versions, which continue to surface on YouTube to this day.

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Architect Shruti Kashyap Choudhari, who grew up in Delhi, recalls a memory from a dholki night she attended as a child. “A male member of my family would famously act as a pregnant woman and sing about her desires during the nine months. I remember having uncontrollable fits of laughter yet being mildly scandalised by the subtext! Everything from the pregnancy to the marital night and in between is sung about in a light, teasing manner. Things are accepted without eyebrows being raised,” she says. It’s not just in the music.

Professor Tim Selywn from the School of Oriental and African Studies presented a paper analysing a Hindu wedding in Madhya Pradesh. While underlining the deeper context behind the haldi ceremony, he quoted, “Male and female relatives and guests are smeared with turmeric.

 The effect of this is that the body is heated up for sexual intercourse. A band plays, and the atmosphere becomes noticeably hot. It is marked by a degree of physical abandon that is striking in a cultural context that normally stresses female modesty.” Similarly, the wedding night trope of the bride serving her new husband milk with saffron and crushed almonds is rooted in sex and desire—both ingredients are considered natural aphrodisiacs. In the Kama Sutra, milk is also seen as a symbol of prosperity and fertility. While many of these rituals continue to play a role in modern weddings, their significance has evolved.

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“With changing gender roles and increasing openness in conversations around relationships, these moments are now more about fun and less about navigating social constraints. The humour remains, but its function as a ‘permissible’ outlet for taboo topics has diminished in an era of greater sexual and personal autonomy,” adds Dr. Kohli.

This story appears in Manifest India’s Issue 02. Subscribe here for more stories like this.