Is Liking An Ex’s Picture Casual or an Act of Emotional Infidelity?

In the modern dating landscape, relationships have evolved to take different shapes. It has become abundantly clear that there’s not one theory or relationship rule that fits all. The same is the case with a subject like emotional infidelity. Sometimes even a tiny double-tap can feel like a thunderclap to a relationship as couples tiptoe through a minefield of online gestures that can mean either everything or nothing at all. 

So, when someone likes an ex’s picture, does that count as just muscle memory on the Gram, or can it mean something deeper, like a crack in the emotional wall of the relationship? Do these little online gestures blur the line between what can be considered casual and what can be deemed questionable behaviour on the part of a partner? These questions have left a lot of people wondering about how digital connections and transactions often interfere with the values that binds two people.

Is Liking an Ex’s Picture an Act of Emotional Infidelity?

So, where does loyalty really end and digital infidelity really begin? To understand whether a simple ‘like’ on an ex’s picture can carry emotional weight, we asked Life and Relationship coach Chetna Chakravarthy to break down what it really signals in a world where our pasts are always one scroll away.

“It depends on what your equation with this ex is and what your current partner is feeling,” Chetna shares as she pondered what liking an ex’s picture could signal. She shares that whether you are single or in a relationship, it only makes sense for you to like your ex’s picture if you have either grown up together and let bygones be bygones or if your partner knows about it and is fine with it. She adds, “If you are single and there's nobody to question you and you are liking the picture doesn't matter then it's all good, because you share a friendship and it is an uneasy zone.”

However, she highlights that even if a person is single and has not moved on which is why they like an ex’s pictures, they should self-introspect and understand whether they are just bored  or are seeking some kind of attention or there's some kind of longing for a partner. “However, it may or may not be for your ex necessarily and so unresolved feelings are there,” she asserts that the person needs to figure their emotions out. 

She further adds that if they are in a relationship where their current partner does not like them having any kind of equation with their ex and they are still liking their picture, that counts for trudging into borderline infidelity danger zone.

Talking about how much a person’s intentions matter when it comes to assessing whether a particular behaviour is problematic or not, she believes that intent can be a very convenient excuse. “When it comes to interacting with your ex, if your current partner does not approve of it or like it or it makes them uneasy or uncomfortable and also two if you are somebody who hasn't moved on from that relationship and you're going back to it or back to that person's profile constantly because you're living in the past or you're longing for something and you're not getting, you can always get away with it by saying ‘my intent is purely platonic, or he looks good or she looks good or that I have no intention of dating this person again. I've moved on,’” she shares that while it may sound convincing but there are always underlying pieces that result in these behaviours.

“It is problematic unless you are friends with this person and you all hang out as friends and you know there's nothing else happening here and it's a really old relationship,” she shares context matters more than the intent that a person has because often people have equations where they were friends with a certain person and then reconnect years later but both of them are in very different life spaces and have become friends again.

Transparency is Key

However, the most important rule to reconnecting or staying with an ex, according to Chetna, is that their partner should be aware of it. “If you are interacting with your ex online or offline, your current partner needs to know. There's honesty and then there's transparency; there is no way around this. They need to know.”

Do attachment styles influence reactions to these online reactions, liking an ex’s picture? Chetna shares that these only come into play if the person is single and hasn’t moved on. “But if you are in a relationship and you are still looking at your ex then you need to understand that there are some unresolved emotions still holding you back.”

She shares that it also depends on whether you are friends with them and if your partner is okay with it. “Your attachment style, in such cases, becomes irrelevant because you have a current partner that shows more of your attachment style than just going and liking a post.” However, she highlights that if a person is single and hasn’t moved on and then chooses to like the post, it could be indicative of anxiety, loneliness or even boredom. “It could be for several reasons, seeking validation, seeking attention or adventure. It's more about these feelings than attachment styles”

But one thing is certain, according to Chetna, liking an ex’s posts can create emotional distance in the current relationship if your partner is not okay. “If your partner does not like it, you need to consider their feelings and your current relationship and where both of you stand on having an ex in the space situation” 

So, what are healthy boundaries when it comes to maintaining digital contact with previous partners? Chetna states that the only context within which a person can maintain any kind of digital contact with an ex-partner is if they are in a friendly space, like bumping into them in a cafe or asking them for a recommendation to a place that they went to and now you want to visit. 

“There is a certain purpose to it,” she adds, “if you are friends with your ex, the situation is different entirely but the question that remains constant is whether your current partner knows about your friendship with your ex and are they comfortable with it. Another question that often makes its way into such scenarios is whether your partner also interacts with your ex-partner and do all of you hang out together once in a while or are they cordial when they bump into your ex-partner in social settings.”

Context Over Intent

Chetna reiterates that context becomes the most important factor in deciding whether staying in touch with an ex in any way, through any interaction, is emotional infidelity or not. “Your boundaries need to be that your ex needs to know where you stand in your current relationship, and your current partner needs to know where you stand with them and your ex-partner. It is important to maintain honesty and transparency.”

Nonetheless, she concludes that if having a connection with an ex bothers a person’s current partner, whether it is just in a cordial manner or getting in touch occasionally, then they should be cut off or blocked since what matters is how the current partner feels. “It's not about possessiveness. They are obviously coming from a certain unsafe feeling or insecurity in the relationship. It could be theirs or it could be something you're causing. While that needs to be addressed, it is equally important to make them feel safer and make them believe that they can trust you”

She reiterates that if you are friends with your ex then your partner needs to know and needs to have met them. “You need to be able to have a drink once in a while together if you all are in a large group, you need to be able to hang out in the same place, that is what makes for a healthy boundary and it should always be made sure of that you are not going out alone with this person unless your partner is comfortable with it and that entirely depends on what kind of friendship that is.”

Therefore, whether liking an ex’s picture on a social platform can be considered emotional infidelity comes with a set of its own grey zones but one thing is for sure, a person needs to prioritise their current partner and be honest with them to have a healthy and loving relationship.