Can You Learn The Art Of Love And Equality In Sex From The Kama Sutra?

A popular American adage says, “Sex is like pizza, even if it’s bad, it's pretty good”. No one knows this better than movie producers, television directors, and publishers. Sex sells, even when so much is available so freely. So it should come as no surprise that the Kama Sutra, widely marketed as a bed-bible, is one of India’s bestselling books globally. Innumerable people have leafed through its pages ogling at the contorted images, though, sadly, few have read it. Because the magic lies in the words and not in the illustrations. It is believed to have been written between the 2nd and 4th centuries, the golden age of the Guptas, for those who know their history, by a celibate monk called Vatsyayana. Of the seven chapters in the book, only one is explicitly about the physicality of sex. 

These exaggerated contortions are humorous and downright impossible to emulate even by the best yoga practitioners. The book is less about mastering these postures and much more about understanding pleasure and embracing one’s sexuality. Contrary to popular belief, the Kama Sutra is not a treatise on prurience alone. It states that “Kama is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by all five senses of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting, and smelling, assisted by the mind together with the soul.” The desire to be truly fulfilling was assumed to be more than the physical friction of making love. Ideally, it was meant to be a total experience in which lust and passion harmonised with sentiment, ambience, and aesthetics. It was only then that one could create the mood, the rasa, the essence and the hidden flavour of pleasure.

Much more than a sexual playbook, the Kama Sutra is an extremely modern and relevant text that explores and understands human behaviour in all its diversity. Vatsyayana emphasises the importance of equality, empathy, building emotional connections, communication, and companionship, because one-sided relationships, then, as now, are doomed to failure. Though originally written for young men, the guidelines the book offers are astoundingly mature and modern. It advocates hygiene (baths, clean and clipped toe and fingernails, washed, clean undergarments), etiquette (standing up when a woman enters a room, making sure she is seated comfortably), ambience (meeting in a well-appointed room with soft music playing in the background, incense sticks burning, fresh flowers, etchings on the wall, clean sheets on the bed), intelligent conversation, and most importantly understanding the woman’s needs. For only in giving her pleasure would he attain his.

Sexual desire, like everything else, was meant to be researched. Instead of being burdened by guilt, shame, and self-consciousness, men and women were encouraged to study and explore their sexuality and develop the art of loving through education and practice… lots of it. Engaging in sex without understanding the art of love, according to the book, results in unrestrained or “brute” behaviour. Time is of the essence, says the Kama Sutra: approach the woman slowly, get to know her, seek her consent every step of the way, and make love slowly and leisurely. The text also debunks myths about gender roles in relationships and advocates seeking and demanding pleasure not just in the bedroom but in all walks of life.

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Though society was patriarchal in the period in which the book was written, in matters of pleasure the sexes were seen as equal. The Kama Sutra does not raise the issue of equality, nor does it champion the cause of women, for they were considered to be equal, active partners, not meant to merely gratify men’s needs. It also debunks the myth that women’s desires or needs are lesser than men’s and states that they have the right to express themselves sexually without hesitation, be uninhibited about displaying their passions and take on assertive roles during sex. They were encouraged to seek orgasms, taught about their anatomy, G-spots and all, and made aware of the days and times of the month when they would derive the most pleasure. 

Ancient India was primarily heterosexual, and monogamy was the norm based on respect, love, and the right to seek mutual sexual fulfilment. The sages of ancient India, however, understood that this was an ideal and not all relationships would end up happy, especially after the initial sexual excitement waned. They also recognised that varied sexual preferences existed. The book has more than a passing nod to homosexuality. Lesbianism is described as prevalent (what were the women in a harem meant to do with just one king in attendance), as well as the inversion of roles by dominating women. Catamites, homosexual young men, transgender people, crossdressers, and eunuchs are all included in the text as they too are human and have desires. 

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The text recognises that diversity exists and embraces all these variations. Vatsyayana however, cautions that not everything that is described in the text is sanctioned or condoned; that every type of sex is described because “There are some people, some occasions, and some places where these acts are performed. So, one should perform or not perform them, bearing one's inclinations in mind.’’ 

Interestingly, no sanctions were pronounced for deviations, so it should come as no surprise that there was no concept of chastity belts in India, no stoning of women for adultery, and almost no divorces. Today, desire and eroticism have been stifled by hypocrisy by those who have no idea of where we come from and are now bound by a morality that equates sex with sin and desire with guilt. We only have to leaf through the pages of this ancient text to understand the timelessness of its wisdom, its pragmatic acceptance of all aspects of life, including desire, the importance of mutual respect, communication, love and romance.

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The entire tradition of eroticism has also fallen victim to instant gratification and immediate pleasure, leading to shallow connections, disregard for the needs of the other, lack of commitment and no consideration for its long-term consequences… exactly what the Kama Sutra warns us against. Intimacy, alas, has been replaced by Instagram.

This story appears in Manifest India’s Issue 02. Subscribe here for more stories like this.